Years back, I was working on a project and putting long hours, my boss noticed this and asked me to meet him first thing the next morning. Next morning when I met him, he said “if the work requires long hours, see that you work late only alternate days say Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays. If you work on Saturdays, then no work on Sundays.”
I was skeptical, asked what if I have to stay back on Tuesday, he said no worry, just shift the days. Sensing my disagreement, he asked me to to try this for a week and assured that he will take care of any untoward outcome resulting from this. He added, “I could have had this meeting yesterday, but I myself follow this and yesterday was my day to go home on time.” I was forced to try this and was better for that, it worked!
I realized that I made less mistakes as it prevented the fatigue that normally happens with long continuous working. I was postponing some important tasks on the personal front, blaming my project. After this I was able to deal with that, though not immediately. I realized that the project was not the main cause for the delay.
Looking back I found, that it’s a good practice to adopt. The approach is very objective – try to remain productive by reducing fatigue of continuous work and maintain work-life balance. Of course this stretching has to be for short periods and not something which is the norm. If it is the norm then you have to fix other things.
As a coach I have had the opportunity to pass on this to many of my coachees, and it has always worked.
Recently, I casually asked one of my coachees Anil, how he was doing, in our coaching meet. He blurted out that he was under tremendous pressure. On the work front he had taken up the role of PM from his manager who moved to a new project with barely any handover. He was to look for a new bigger house to rent, he was unable to do that and his in-laws were coming to stay with him soon.
I shared my experience, Anil was not very convinced. So I told him to give it a try, and also announce his plans at work and home. We discussed other things and parted.
When it was time for next monthly meet Anil rescheduled it. We eventually met after a couple of days, I asked him the reason for the reschedule.
Anil was all smiles, he said that he found a house and as he was shifting home and so he had to reschedule the meeting. He thanked me for it, I looked surprised.
He said “Vasu, what you suggested worked out well. I went home late on the day I met you last and announced this at home. My wife was not very convinced, though. But I kept at it and did head home on time at least two days a week and looked around for houses and was able to find it.”
He shared that there were other ‘side effects’, his team members had told him that he has calmed down and seems to have the project under control. Anil’s view was that it was the result of the reduced pressure on him as he was able to focus on all aspects better.
In my final coaching meeting I asked him on the state of this practice, he said he continues to do it and encourages his team also. He is not able to do alternate days, but ensures that there are breaks, understands the principle.
Do give this a shot if you are in a similar situation.
9 Responses
An interesting “angle”! There is usually an emphasis on empathy among team members for better team work and self-organization. Would teams truly consider the manager/leader also as part of the team? Needs some mindset change. I think Emotional Intelligence training/coaching should bring out this aspect – that EI (Empathy being part of it) does not draw boundaries of applicability! Enjoyed reading a refreshingly different blog…
Thanks, Shiv. Yes, completely agree with your point on EI’s role in this regard. Gopal
Nice angle! And nice twist in the title of the blog!
Good perspective, which is normally missed.
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Nice article, Gopal.
We all know one filed where downwards empathy is hardly ever seen, but upward empathy is expected and demanded. Politics.
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Nice article, Gopal! Very good insight. Practicing Empathy needs an effort as it needs seeing the world from the perspective of the another person. It is all the more difficult when you do not see everything that the other person sees. I remember one instance in my life when a manager reporting to me was promoted to senior manager’s post and moved away from me on a new, higher level assignment. After a few days she came to meet me and I enquired how she was doing on the new role. She said, “Milind now I know the kind of pressure you faced from above. You never passed that onto us and kept us shielded. Now I know how difficult your role and life is. I am trying to be like you!” So, the true empathy comes out of having experienced similar situations yourself.
So, Milind is the message “a little empathy is better than a late empathy”?
Gopal,
Nice blog.
This is a very valid and necessary perspective that everyone should have.
Somehow, in most organizations, just like ‘agile’ is considered as something for the teams and team members, these may be labeled as management and only for managers – as part of the leadership development plans.
Some ways how I have contextualized this in some situations:
• At an individual contributor level: connecting to empathy as a key skill for design thinking [observing and understanding users]
• At a team level: the togetherness and one-team idea [teams making commitments, the huddles in cricket and other sports etc], to use daily standups, for example, to recalibrate oneself after sensing how the others feel on that day or in a particular situation
• For managers: understanding and doing what they can, to make their managers successful, particularly when the complaint is that my manager does not understand me or my needs